Long Time

Well, look at this... I haven't been on my blog in so long that I bet no one is reading it anymore. That's ok. I think I'll just get on and randomly chat to myself about things. For instance, it has been over a year since I put anything on here. So, I DID get married. Everyone knows that... it was the best decision that I ever made. If anyone out there is wondering... it's a go. I'm also very happy to report that I have a crap job just like the rest of the planet. I also enjoy any and all time off of work that I get. I like reading and playing the Sims 2.....still....And I want to talk about how people treat you differently after you get married. Why not? Well, for one all of your single friends seem to think you caught some kind of life changing disease that turns you into someone who is incapable of giving advice, or of hanging out/ talking to anyone who is not married. If you can get past that you have to convince them that you are actually still the same person, not a mutant alien version of yourself.... then you have to fend off the "when are you having kids"??? questions. No, we are not yet, we will, that's llife. Yes, you CAN talk to my husband without me thinking that you are about to swallow him whole and/ or seduce him.... He's a big boy, I trust him.... But other than that, I love my life now. I have my best friend around all of the time, plus I don't have to worry about dating anymore... It's nice...

Weddings

Ok, so I finally told my extended family today that I am engaged...It's hard to say whether they already knew or n0t. Knowing my Grandmother they knew and put on a moderately decent show...All of them exclaiming that they were so excited for me and they didn't even know I was dating anyone, and somehow all asking just the right questions so that they could all come to the conclusion that it had to be Alan...some guessing by name, some just hinting that it was an old friend of mine...very funny to look back on...I'm pretty sure they already knew....but that's Grandma, I knew once I activated the grapevine all of my thunder would be gone... Ah well, no biggie, they put on the show well. They all know how to do that.

On another note, I'm already hitting snags in the planning process....yes, I'm just starting, and lo and behold, the date that we have chosen will not work because the place that we have chosen is pretty much booked. I know this seems like a minor detail, but I AM getting married there. Everyone kept on pressuring me for a date over and over and over, and honestly, I find it ironic and funny that when I finally set out to do it that it all got gummed up. Alan, no comments from you if you don't want me pissy. Anyway, as they always say, things never go as smoothly as you want them to. The week before will work, but I do have to talk to Alan, who is of course super busy tonight so I won't be talking to him...*sigh* ok, enough wedding talk, I'm starting to get all depressed about it. Bleah....at least it's still early in the game, if things don't work out for other people, I'll just have to make sure that it works out for me, and Alan of course, and screw the rest of them....:-P Rant over.

Sims 2... and Lock Out

The Sims 2
Ok, so my blogging went to pot because the Sims 2 came out and I am totally addicted. Not really surprizing...I knew it would happen. However, I am a bit more addicted than I'd like to admit... just like with the original I am becoming caught up in the simulated lives of people I create. I haven't killed any of them off yet, but I've had a great deal of fun with the growing up process! :-D
Lock Out
Oh, now to the second part. Amanda and I took a walk tonight and ended up getting locked out of the house. It was really quite amusing and we ended up over at Alan's house talking to his Dad. Alan (the older) was very cool about the whole thing, I knew he would be. He's an amazing individual really. I've always had a great deal of admiration for him. Anyway, he played some of his compositions for us and we had a great time of being locked out. Then I came home and called Alan (the younger) and it was one of those conversations where I felt like I was a total bitch because I had said something that lead him to believe something that got him into some financial trouble. This of course being piled on top of car failure, computer issues, job issues, and of course the good old fashioned school issues. At the end of the conversation I felt like Alan was basically telling me that I don't really give him the support he needs because I'm too far away and there is nothing I can do to help him anyway. This of course made me feel pretty much like shit, nobody wants to be told that they suck at doing the only thing they thought they were any good at. So, yeah...I'm doing something about that. Hopefully it will be helpful rather than being just another motion that screws things up. Heck, I don't know. Maybe I really am a failure at supporting people. I never seem to do that great of a job anyway. If I get myself involved I usually screw things up. Bleah, that sounded whiny and I didn't really mean it to. I guess I just took it a little personally. Then again, if I told Alan that he sucked at being supportive I'm not sure how he would react either. I guess I'm being hyper-sensitive about it. That's nothing new. I'm hyper sensitive about everything :-P... Ok, rant over.

Bleah

Ok, so maybe I over reacted a little...but that is only because I care about my sister. In the long run I was only trying to help, plus when it gets to be this late sometimes I don't express myself as well as I should. This is of course the case here. I got pushy when I shouldn't have, but that doesn't mean that I care any less or that I've lost any of my concern for Amanda. Anyway, I talked to a ton of people tonight. Thank heaven for IM, without it I would never be able to keep everyone straight. Not that I do anyway. I had this big long conversation with Melanie about her dating life, I hope she can get it figured out. I think this guy might be playing her a little. I hope not, she deserves a good guy after all she's gone through. Wow, this is so stream of conciousness, I'm probably the only person who would really understand it. But I wanted to put something in here. I'm starting to use this blog as a dump for my mind. It works pretty well so far...I think the name of this blog is more and more appropriate all the time. ^_^ All my writing is really only a reflection of what I'm thinking. Hmm.....I shouldn't get deep about myself, it either sounds pathetic or concieted. I think I'll try to be more coherent next time.

Cut

Ok, so I just read my sister's live journal... And I think it freaked the hell 0ut of me. Amanda, I'm going to talk to you about this whether you want to or not, but if you do read this before I talk to you, this is what I want to talk about. Ok, so she said in her journal that she cut herself after she broke up with Mike. Shit, I'm having a hell of a day. She wrote that yesterday. I got in a fight with Alan today so I'm a little shook up, and then I read that and it freaked me out. I swear I just can't take this shit right now. I can't do it and if I have to I'm probably going to break. I'm stressing in a big way right now. Bleah...OK, I guess what I'm really trying to understand is if she means that she's a cutter or if she was talking suicide and either way I'm talking to you about this Amanda. I can't let you get stuck in that darkness by yourself and even if you are already there I'm breaking in and you can't keep me out anymore. Not when I read shit like that. I can't. I Love You too damn much and if you think I can't get myself an intervention your wrong. WRONG. I can't come in if you won't let me but at the same time I'm not going to sit here and watch you fall into that. I've been there. I have, but I came back out before I was in too far. Shit. Ok, enough, I'm done. I need to go to bed...

Addiction

Ok, so I'm blogging again...just to do it. I think sometimes I understand myself better when I try to write what I feel. Like today, I have found a new addiction, this being the precursor to my Sims 2 addiction that will be starting next week, just as soon as I get my copy. ^_^ Yay Sims 2!!! I've been waiting for this for almost a year. Anyway, that being said I have found a new computer addiction. I'm playing a marvelous game call Zoo Tycoon, cousin to Rollercoaster Tycoon, etc. So, in this game you try to build a successful Zoo. So far, I have been having a riot. When I get a little bored I think I'll probably have to let the Lions free or something. All of this comes about because I'm trying to keep myself relatively sane while I wait for life to kick back in. It's like the pause button got hit when Myrt died on Tuesday... We keep hearing things about Joe, apparently his leg had to be amputated...yeah, so I'm focusing on something else, at least until I can start planning the wedding. I miss Alan so much, it's hard to do relationships long distance. I was talk to Anna today because it's her birthday and she was telling me that it's weird to her that people she knows might be having kids inthe next 3 to 5 years. I told her that that's life, it sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I think Alan is my biggest addiction of all. Him and life with him...I want it so much I would need rehab at this point should he get taken from me. I hope Joe won't be that bad off without Myrt... but I know he will. When you live for someone it's hard to live without them. Well, from my limited expirience anyway.

Fire!!!!

Ok, so I make a blog and never stop blogging.....but this is too cool to not mention. So, my sister and I went to a movie,The Princess Diaries 2, and lo and behold, half way through the previews the fire alarm goes off! "There is a fire on your level, please proceed to the nearest exit. Do not use the elevator." The whole time the flashy lights were on and we were all looking around at each other. So, everyone got up, went out the exit, and then proceeded to go back around to the lobby and re-enter the theater. The guys up there said there was no fire and he hadn't been informed about it in any way. So, we went back in and watched the movie... It was cute but a bit too Disney. The whole time I kept wondering....where is the elevator?? I've never seen one around here... So, it was a bit of an adventure. I was a little bit bummed out because I tried to call Alan, my fiance, to tell him about it but no one answered. Ah well. Oh, at the end of the movie my younger brother's friends were coming out of another movie and they stopped and talked to us for a few seconds. They're funny kids... They said they wanted Chris to come back and we should tell him that, not that they missed him, just that he should come back. It was cute. That's about it...I'm sure I'll post tomorrow. I'm enjoying this blog entirely too much.

I Stood Upon A High Place

I stood upon a high place,
And saw, below, many devils
Running, leaping,
And carousing in sin.
One looked up, grinning,
And said, "Comrade! Brother!"

~Stephen Crane

A Long Week

Well, I think I decided to create a blog today just because I've had one heck of a week. In fact, I'd even go as far as to say it's been one Hell of a week, and I'm not even sure that the events that have caused me to say this are over. I guess honestly I've been thinking a lot this week about life events. Birth, death, marriage, and even whether or not it's all worth it. Last night my sister broke up with her boyfriend and I had to wonder, as she was bawling her eyes out... is it all really worth the drama?? I mean, I just got engaged this weekend, and I can't even tell half my family because of a particualarly tragic death that happened a few days later. Talk about your timing, and then my sister is living out her own tragedy... too much drama and trauma and craziness. I wish the world would just start making sense again so that I could take a step back and see where the big picture was going. If it's going to bad or strange places I think I'd like a ticket out...hopefully to some exotic local with those umbrella drinks in coconuts. I miss Hawaii sometimes. I think I need a beach to walk along sometimes. It clears the mind. Then again, it's too much like being trapped in summer. After a while any place can become a prison.