Bleah

Ok, so maybe I over reacted a little...but that is only because I care about my sister. In the long run I was only trying to help, plus when it gets to be this late sometimes I don't express myself as well as I should. This is of course the case here. I got pushy when I shouldn't have, but that doesn't mean that I care any less or that I've lost any of my concern for Amanda. Anyway, I talked to a ton of people tonight. Thank heaven for IM, without it I would never be able to keep everyone straight. Not that I do anyway. I had this big long conversation with Melanie about her dating life, I hope she can get it figured out. I think this guy might be playing her a little. I hope not, she deserves a good guy after all she's gone through. Wow, this is so stream of conciousness, I'm probably the only person who would really understand it. But I wanted to put something in here. I'm starting to use this blog as a dump for my mind. It works pretty well so far...I think the name of this blog is more and more appropriate all the time. ^_^ All my writing is really only a reflection of what I'm thinking. Hmm.....I shouldn't get deep about myself, it either sounds pathetic or concieted. I think I'll try to be more coherent next time.

Cut

Ok, so I just read my sister's live journal... And I think it freaked the hell 0ut of me. Amanda, I'm going to talk to you about this whether you want to or not, but if you do read this before I talk to you, this is what I want to talk about. Ok, so she said in her journal that she cut herself after she broke up with Mike. Shit, I'm having a hell of a day. She wrote that yesterday. I got in a fight with Alan today so I'm a little shook up, and then I read that and it freaked me out. I swear I just can't take this shit right now. I can't do it and if I have to I'm probably going to break. I'm stressing in a big way right now. Bleah...OK, I guess what I'm really trying to understand is if she means that she's a cutter or if she was talking suicide and either way I'm talking to you about this Amanda. I can't let you get stuck in that darkness by yourself and even if you are already there I'm breaking in and you can't keep me out anymore. Not when I read shit like that. I can't. I Love You too damn much and if you think I can't get myself an intervention your wrong. WRONG. I can't come in if you won't let me but at the same time I'm not going to sit here and watch you fall into that. I've been there. I have, but I came back out before I was in too far. Shit. Ok, enough, I'm done. I need to go to bed...